Act 1, Scene 1
Sound of gunshots and two loud screams.
Serbia: Hey, you! Austria!
Austria-Hungary: (looks up from snorfing chocolate) Mmm?
Serbia: I hate your stupid guts! Why did you take over Bosnia? Ugh! And, um, yeah. I just shot your archduke!
Austria-Hungary: Oh, yeah, Serbia?? IT'S ON.
Serbia: (snaps fingers) Britain! France! Russia! (turns to Austria-Hungary) Good luck, Austria. We call ourselves the ALLIED FORCES! Beat that.
Austria-Hungary: (Laughs) Oh, really? (claps loudly) Germany! Bulgaria! Turks! Get your butts over here! We call ourselves the CENTRAL POWERS. Mwaahahaha!
(All line up looking annoyed. Austria-Hungary throws a block of chocolate at the Allied Forces.)
Act 1, Scene 2
Great Britain: You know what I like? Power. You know what else I like? Winning. You know what else? I really, really like passing laws that aren't fair to my people! I'm going to draft people into the British army. (hysterical high-pitched laughing fit)
(British people offstage heard singing sad songs and crying.)
British women: Let's do men's jobs!
British soldiers: Owwwwwww.
(Women drag a big pile of amputated limbs offstage, closely followed by a bunch of limbless soldiers.)
Act 1, Scene 3
Germany: I'm gonna sink that shi-ip! Na na na na na na!
USA: Oh, poop. Here we go. Innocent people drowning on the Lusitania is SO not cool, Germany. We're gonna make sure you go DOWN.
Germany: Wait, I'm finishing sending a horrible telegram to Mexico that you are definitely not going to like.
Allied Forces:
....._\____________________,,__
..../ `--│││││││││----------------------_]
.../_==o ____________________
.....),---.(_(__) /
....// (\) ),------
...//___//
../`----' / ...
./____ / ... .
(USA marches onstage, running after Germany, wearing bright colors and smiley faces. Germans screech in terror and run off the stage.)
1 comment:
I see definite historical/hysterical playwriting potential here.
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